Pulling the World Toward Love
“Can you come pray for a man who is dying?” a nurse from a nearby hospital asked. “He won’t last much longer.” After I agreed, she explained the situation. “The patient is dying of AIDS, and his family does not want his partner in the room.”
Fresh out of seminary, I was ill equipped for the moment. Nothing in the ivory tower of academia had prepared me for what was about to happen. When I stepped off the hospital elevator, I found the man’s partner doubled over in a chair wailing in grief. I thought perhaps the AIDS patient had already died. I was wrong. The patient was alive, but the man sobbing in the hallway had no legal right to enter his room.
After introducing myself, I sat down while he sobbed into his knees. Fumbling and awkward, I confess that my silent pleas for God's help were mixed with regret that I had picked up the phone. In hindsight, I realize that the call was a tremendous gift.
In a few moments, those two men taught me more about the Gospel than I had learned in three years of theological study and training. Quite unexpectedly, their dreadful situation crashed into my well-structured ideals of right and wrong, faith and love, compassion and judgment. I emerged from the wreckage of upended values with a completely new view of sexual orientation. Admittedly, it took time to find my voice to actively advocate and celebrate the LGBTQ plus community. I regret that it took me so long. Sadly, I was a “good” girl who followed the rules. It takes time to unlearn the rules of the church to comprehend God’s rule of love.
This was back in the early 1990s when the Presbyterian Church (USA) frowned upon homosexuality. Members of the LGBTQ plus community could join the church, but they could not serve as ordained elders, deacons or ministers. I am ashamed to admit this, but I had blindly accepted the denomination’s bigoted position. In a matter of moments, these strangers ripped off the blindfold of religious self-righteousness that had kept me from seeing how wrong I was.
After the man composed himself, he told me about the two decades he had shared with his partner. They had been there for each other through life's joys and sorrows. The same parents who had disowned their son because of his sexual orientation and condemned his relationship as a sin, now had the legal right to stand guard at his death bed.
When the family left to grab a bite to eat, the nurse told us we could slip into the room. The patient’s shallow breaths racked his skeletal body. The partner wept. The nurse adjusted tubes. I just stood there, lost.
The words of one of my internship supervisors surfaced in my mind. “As a pastor, our job is not to fix people. Our job is to offer the ministry of Christ’s loving presence.” And so, we turned to God.
The nurse joined us to form a circle around the patient as I prayed. Though strangers, we held hands to form an odd, but sacred trinity. When I said “amen,” I looked up to see tears stream down the partner’s face. He mouthed the words trapped beneath the lump in his throat, “Thank you." I nodded and swallowed hard.
An hour can change your heart forever. For a few moments, I was gripped in a cosmic tug of war between law and grace. Preciously, because God pulled me so far outside my comfort zone, I was able to fall on the side of grace.
The man with AIDS died shortly after the visit. His partner was not welcomed to what the family considered a true Christian funeral, so we later met at the graveside to celebrate this life.
So much has changed in our world since the early 1990s. Our denomination now recognizes same sex marriages and ordains people without regard to their sexual identity. Same sex couples can legally marry and adopt children, and recently the Supreme Court ruled that members of the LGBTQIA community are protected under the 1964 Civil Rights Act.
Still, there is a world full of hate masquerading in religious righteousness. As a progressive congregation, we are called not just to advocate for the marginalized, but to celebrate the wonder and diversity of all God’s children. Indeed, we are called to engage in a cosmic tug of war between law and grace. Let's boldly grab hold of our faith and pull the world toward love. Together we can break away from the tyranny of self-righteous religion and fall into the arms of God's grace.
